My sister-in-law lost a baby at 28 weeks. I was heartbroken for her. I saw many reach out to her, as they should. One organization, Utah Share, helps people deal with pregnancy and infant loss. One way they do this is by providing blankets and burial clothing. May 23 marks the one-year anniversary of they day their little baby died, so to remember her, and also to give back, we got together and made lots of little blankets. It was fun, and it was such a great opportunity to do some service for those who suffer such a great loss as the death of a baby.
In my previous post I mentioned how hard it is to lose a baby. The first time we did in-vitro I was pregnant for only a few short weeks, but I truly do believe I was just as bonded to that child as someone who was pregnant for 30 weeks and loses a baby. For us, after pouring so much time and money and heart into it, it felt like the end of ever having another child. If you know someone who has suffered a miscarriage, please reach out to them. Offer them a meal, or just hang out with them and talk. I promise it will mean a lot.
All of this has me thinking about birth parents. In many ways, I can see how placing a baby for adoption might feel like the death of a child. I can only imagine that it takes a similar emotional toll. I wonder if these miscarriages, in some ways, have prepared me to empathize a little with a birth mom. To be able to understand, really understand, another’s grief is to relate to them on a different level. It bonds you to another person and makes you more charitable and loving. Orson F. Whitney wrote:
No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven..