We are pretty stoked at the prospect of having another child. But with adoption, we have no freakin’ clue what we’re doing. We don’t know what makes a birth mom choose a certain family. We don’t know the law. We don’t know why some adoptions are more expensive than others. Because of that we’ve hired an adoption agency all of that stuff we have no clue about. We feel good about choosing this particular agency, but they are very busy and we have lots of questions. I wish I knew how to navigate through this jungle. We were just approved the other day to start seeing birth mother situations. I already have thousands of questions! I get lots of questions about adoptions from others and I still feel like saying "Sorry, you’re asking the wrong person. I have no idea how adoption works."
I know we will find that baby who is supposed to join our family. Maybe that baby is with a different adoption agency, maybe it’s with this one. There’s a lot of anticipation and guesswork. The point is, this process is certainly not rainbows and unicorns. Infertility really sucks. It seems really, really unfair at times. We have cried rivers of tears over lost babies, painful fertility treatments, and trying so hard to have another baby, only to be disappointed time and time again. We see loved ones around us having babies and not really being able to relate to the heartache, the immense and overwhelming heartache, of not being able to have more children. But when I count my blessings, the sun comes out from behind the clouds for a moment. I have a loving, hard-working husband, a sweet and kind boy, and good parents who are there to support us through it all. When this life is all said and done, I will be able to look at my Heavenly Father and say, “Thank you for blessing me so abundantly.” And in the end these trials are here to teach us lessons. But for today, you’ll have to excuse me while I go have an ugly cry.